So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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