She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
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Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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