also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize