Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
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i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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