no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
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She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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