Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize