I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
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All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
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EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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