just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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