I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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