I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize