2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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