NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize