girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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