it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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