one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
my liver is dry heaving
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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