got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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