I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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