is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize