just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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