I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize