Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize