my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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