I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
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