I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize