somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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