So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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