I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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