farters have to be the big spoon...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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