Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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