frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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