I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
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you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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