I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
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you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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