I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
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Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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