can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize