Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize