No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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