I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize