so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
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He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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