you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
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