She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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