anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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