Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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