Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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