It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
bring money and cleavage
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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