I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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