College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
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There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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