Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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