I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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