Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
