My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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