he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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